The Postman and Sakon Drabbles
by Reiz16
Summary: Based on events from MangoKat's EPIC LoZ fan-fiction series. Stories involving the friends (and SOMETIMES) pairing, The Postman and Sakon the Thief. I will ALWAYS tell you if there's slash. BUT there's not slash in every chapter. NEW WARNING: Follow the rules if you want to follow my stories. I don't want to see you get deleted.
1. TP, S, and G, Walk into a Bar

"The Postman, Sakon, and Ganondorf Walk into a Bar"

Hi, everybody! This is the first of MANY drabbles involving The Postman and his friend, (and, sometimes, boyfriend), Sakon the Thief. Don't worry, I'll ALWAYS warn you if there's slash. These drabbles will be them TOGETHER. Any other stories involving them will be SEPERATE. Usually. Remember that MangoKat was the one who was originally came up with this pairing during her series. GO CHECK IT OUT!

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Back when The Postman and Sakon still worked from Ganondorf, he went with them on an assignment.

"So, you both understand the plan, right?" asked Ganondorf.

"Yeah! Uh...No. Could you go through it, again?"

"Sakon," began The Postman. "Pay attention!"

Ganondorf sighed. "One of you is going to go in that bar and ask the bar tender for information on this thing I'm looking for. If one of you doesn't get it out of 'em, I will." He turned to The Postman. "You're up, first."

The Postman walked into the bar.

The bar tender asked,"What'll ya have?"

"I don't drink."

The bar tender simply shook his head and gave him some juice.

The Postman took a sip of juice and asked,"Do you know where I could find something...magical?"

The bar tender looked up from wiping the counter, his eyes shifting.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

The Postman's eyes narrowed. He would have to use his mother's bargaining skills against him.

Back outside, Ganondorf and Sakon were waiting for The Postman to come out.

"He's been in there a long time," said Ganondorf. "You go in there and see what's taking him so long."

Sakon walked into the bar. The bar tender immediately got up from the counter, pointed at Sakon, and said,"YOU!" The Postman turned his head to object, but the bar tender did not care. He seized Sakon and threw him out of the bar. The Postman came out to help him up.

"I forgot I was at this place before." said Sakon.

"Grr," said Ganondorf. "Guess I'll have to do this myself."

Ganondorf walked into the bar. The bar tender looked up and asked,"Hey, why the long nose?"

Ganondorf grabbed the bar tender by the neck and the bar tender gulped.

The Postman and Sakon heard an enormous amount of yelling. Then Ganondorf came out.

"Did you get the information?" asked Sakon.

"No, but I got my instant gratification."

The End!

It was MangoKat's idea to give The Postman juice. THANKS!


	2. Sakon VS Honey

**AN: I got a lot of help from an anonymous source with editing. I get A LOT of help from an anonymous person, these days...**

"Sakon Vs. Honey-SLIGHT Slash"

In this one-shot, Sakon gets into a fight with Honey, one of the two dancing lovers in OOT and MM. Any guess why? I'm glad that MangoKat said she liked the last story I made-"The Execution Cell". Typo-fix update.

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The Postman was out delivering letters on his morning route, Sakon tagging along, as usual. They both entered Honey and Darling's shop, which was really an archaic arcade. The Postman had a letter for Darling and a letter for Honey.

"Ain't this the place with the perverts?" asked Sakon.

"You're the only pervert around here, Sakon." said The Postman.

"I've seen them lookin' all googly-eyed at each other out in public more than once."

"They're just infatuated with one another."

"Don't blame me if we catch them in the act. Exhibitionists. Say, would you ever deliver a letter if the person was having sex while you had to give it to them?"

The Postman was about to knock on the arcade door when he looked back in disgust. "No, of course not! I'd slip it under the door, and then politely ask them to pick it up."

"Can you slip it under the door now?"

"No, we have to go in."

"Hey, what if the only way you could deliver the letter was during the person doing it? Or, what if the person would not except the letter unless you had sex with them?"

"Shut up!"

Sakon grinned and spoke with the pet name that was the same as Honey's boyfriend's name. "Don't worry, Darling. I would never let that happen!"

The Postman heard giggling under the door and hoped that they weren't doing what Sakon had mentioned.

"Come in." said a woman's gentle voice, as smooth as silk, loaded with-well-honey.

The Postman immediately felt better. He walked in, Sakon following behind.

They entered the "shop" and saw the couple on the platform in the middle of the room, holding each other's hands. They were staring into each other's eyes and giggling, just as Sakon had said. Honey's long, red hair hung past her white and aqua dress, it flowing as she danced with her brunette man, wearing similar colors. They seemed lost in their own world, not a care, nor a worry.

"It's looks like we have a customer, Darling." said Honey.

"Oh, it's The Postman, Honey." said Darling.

They both were always more interested in each other, so they ignored most of what went on around them, but Honey and Darling knew that The Postman was there to deliver a letter. He never came to play a game. Sakon had played there a few times, and even won a piece of heart. He mostly avoided them, since fellow perverts creeped him out, but he was good at throwing bombs, so the games were a cinch. The place also reminded him of his Uncle Guru Guru's windmill in Hyrule, it having a wooden, spinning platform. Honey and Darling forgot Sakon even existed, of course, them being too invested in themselves.

"Actually, I'd like to play a game." said Sakon.

"Sakon, we don't have time for that. I've got more letters to deliver." said The Postman.

"You go on ahead. I'd like to have some fun, for once."

"Today is Bombchu Gallery day." said Honey.

"You came here, early. We haven't set up, yet." said Darling.

"Darn," began Sakon. "I don't got no bombchus. Just regular bombs. Guess I can't play."

"Hold on," said Darling. "I'll go get the bombchus. They're in the back room."

"I'll help you." said Honey.

Before she could go, The Postman got out a letter. The letter fell on the ground and Sakon picked it up. He brushed some water off of it, since the ground was damp. One of the "shop's" games involved water.

"Who's Grandma Bunny?" he asked. "She a relative of your's?" Sakon kidded, pointing at the rabbit on The Postman's uniform.

The Postman swiped the letter out of Sakon's hand and gave it to Honey. The couple went into the back room. The Postman crossed his arms. He said to Sakon,"As soon as I give Darling his letter, I'm leaving."

He followed them into the back room. Darling was helping Honey lift the box of bombchus when he had to pee. He went to the bathroom, when he saw his reflection in the mirror. Darling was absolutely mesmerized by his handsome face. He raised his arms and flexed and kissed them both, although they were not very big. Like the fabled Narcissus, Darling loved his reflection to death. He loved it almost as much as he loved Honey. Darling left the door wide open, so Honey saw him looking at himself. She had caught him doing this more than once. Honey sighed. Sometimes, she thought he loved himself more than her.

The Postman wandered into the bathroom, not caring that Darling had to use the facilities. Although, his O.C.D. kicked in. He was getting irritated, as Darling kept staring at himself and would not take the letter. The Postman shoved it in front of his face, but Darling only became annoyed and batted his hand away.

Lifting the heavy box of bombchus into the room, Honey hoisted it up onto the platform, then sat down on it to read her letter. She read,"Dear, Honey: This is from your grandma, Honey Bunny the First. I'd like to know how you're doing and if you're happy, which I very much doubt you are. I would like to implore, plead with you to leave that scrub you call a man. Him falling in love with himself is only just the root of the problem. You need to leave him before he considers himself so handsome, that one woman isn't enough for him. He will cheat on you. Mark my words. -A Worried Soul, Your Grandma, Honey Bunny The First."

"Can I play, now?" asked a voice.

Honey looked up, spooked from Sakon's talking. "Yes. I just have to get my boyfriend. We can't start the game without him."

The thought of dancing with Darling once more filled her with happiness. Her grandma was wrong about him. She hurried into the back room. The irritated postman was still trying to give the vain man his letter. Honey tapped Darling on the shoulder, but elicited no response.

Sakon, however, thought of one of the last parties he had been to. The one in Gerudo village.

"Darling, don't you remember the way I danced at our... Wedding?"

Someone... Married... Darling?! Darling was married?! He had not just cheated on her, he eloped! Her grandmother was right! Honey's mouth dropped open and she clenched her fists and turned to to face Sakon. The Postman and Darling continued to ignore them.

She could not contain her unbridled rage, and let out a shriek than a banshee would grow jealous of, much like her own. "Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaagghh!"

Sakon was more than surprised. "Uh... Isn't he the one who's supposed to get angry?"

Honey did not answer. She jumped onto the platform and punched Sakon in the chest. He fell off the platform and landed in a daze. Sakon shook himself, then got up.

"What's your problem, lady?! Did I forget I did something to ya?"

"You know what you did." Honey said in a hushed whisper.

"No, I've got no idea."

"You. Stole. My. DARLING!"

Sakon laughed. "I think you're confused. He's gay."

"What?" Honey's anger subsided and was replaced with more confusion. "That's not true! He's in love with me!"

"Since when has he been going out with you?"

"All our lives."

Sakon considered this for a moment. Was his friend-the one who he was always after-secretly bi, like him? He decided that whatever the case, he would not let Honey have him all to herself.

"I'm willing to share him. Perhaps, even share you."

Honey was appalled. "I would never share him. Darling is mine!"

"Sorry, but he's secretly in love with me."

Her anger sped back up inside her to the top, as if she would explode like one of the bombs in her "shop". Wait. The bombs.

"Since you've taken my Darling," she began,"I suppose I'll just have to fight you to get him back!"

Honey dashed to the bomb box and pulled out a bombchu. She set it on fire and it scurried towards Sakon until the blue and yellow bomb exploded near his face. It was only a party store bomb that was not meant for killing, though. He ducked in time and countered with a normal soot bomb. Honey was just as skilled as Sakon at dodging as long as she was not busy looking into Darling's eyes. She got practice from dodging party bombs and arrows customers would throw in her face. Sakon tried to step onto the platform, but Honey smooshed his hand with her foot. She stepped back to the middle of the platform and hit with her foot a secret switch, which would make the platform spin.

She threw bombs down at a rapid pace, not pausing for a second, her anger rising. Sakon ran to the direction opposite of the platform's motion and she missed him each time. This only fueled the flames of her jealous rage as she let out another inhuman shriek. Honey ran back to the box and got out arrows, which she was not skilled at shooting. They flimsily flew through the air, not hitting him.

Honey stepped back and hit the button that made the platform get higher. Sakon clung to the edge of the platform and made it, this time. He grabbed her legs and tripped her. Sakon got up, then kicked her and she rolled off. Honey hit the ground hard. He ran to the box and threw the bombchus at Honey. Sakon did not want to waste his own bombs.

"Looks like I got a perfect score!" he said, as the bombchus blew up in Honey's face.

She still had the bow in her hands and shot her last arrow. Sakon ducked, but it hit his backpack strap and pinned him to the platform. He got up, and his backpack strap ripped. In a flash, he grew just about as angry as Honey was. He had that backpack for a long time. Now it was ruined. His collection of various... ...Commodities fell out, as well as a purple jar of what Honey thought must be jam. It was not jam.

"My jar! My backpack! You're in for it, now, lady!" cried Sakon.

He went to the middle of the platform and randomly hit one of the buttons. Water filled the room. The sound of her screaming and Sakon's maniacal laughter were apparent as The Postman entered the room. He was getting nowhere with Darling. The Postman had come out of the bathroom to ask Sakon for help. The door to the game room would not open, the mechanisms naturally keeping any water from getting in. He pushed with all his might until he finally broke free.

"Sakon!" he cried as he came in on the scene, being able to swim. "What's going on?!"

"She practically tried to kill me-THAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON-, and she stole you! Apparently, I'm not the only thief around!"

"What are you talking about?!"

"Don't play dumb with me, Mr. Secret-Girlfriend-Pants! So, you thought you could keep the truth from me forever, huh?! Well. I don't want to share her, anyway. You can keep her, now that she attacked me!"

"You mean," Honey said. "You weren't after my Darling?!"

Sakon was dumbfounded. "...You mean he's not the right guy?" Realization hit like a wall of stone. "Oooh! You thought he was Darling!"

The Postman swam to her, but he could only hold himself above water since the rotation of the platform created waves that splashed on them. Sakon threw the empty box of bombs at them so they could hold on. Honey realized there were bombs that had not blown up because they hit the water and knew they would need more, later. She could not let her poor, old grandmother pay for everything. (Grandma Bunny was the one who paid for everything. She was also the reason why they had so much money and pieces of heart to give winners.) Sakon and The Postman thought she could not swim.

"Sakon," said The Postman. "Save her."

"Do I have to?" He still was mad at her for destroying his backpack.

"YES!"

Sakon, sighed. He hit the same button and the expected the water to go down, but it would not. Sakon also hit the rest of the buttons and expected the to stop spinning and go down, but it only went faster in the other direction. He was holding onto the rapidly moving platform, his face resembling silly puddy.

Darling was still busy with his reflection. The Postman had carefully placed the letter on the sink beside him, but he had never actually taken the letter in his hand. Technically, according to postman code, that meant that the letter was yet to be delivered. Then Darling felt the wetness beneath his feet. He looked down. There was water.

Then he finally noticed the letter on the sink. He read,"Dear Darling: You are by no means 'darling', as your name would state. I know your true intentions with my granddaughter are simply despicable. You selfish, conniving twit. You could never make her happy. You'll cheat on her as soon as you begin to think she's not good enough for you-when she is more than enough! You love yourself more than her, and you always will. -Mrs. Bunny the First."

Darling crumpled up the letter and threw it away. That old hag! Goddesses, how he hated that woman! How dare she think he would cheat on Honey! Sure, he loved himself a lot, but that did not mean he loved himself more than her. Because the truth was-

"How do we get the water to go down?!" asked a voice.

Wait. Who was that? Was that The Postman?

"Well, she can't tell us!"

"'She'"? No. Honey.

Darling dashed to the game room. He did not even bother to remove his shirt before he swam over to The Postman and Honey. She saw Darling swimming toward the platform, and she thought he was out to save Sakon.

In fact, Darling swam underwater to hit the emergency kill switch beneath the platform. Everything stopped. The water receded and the platform halted.

He ran over to his beloved Honey and Sakon to his postman. They all muttered "Are you okay?"'s.

Darling looked into her beautiful eyes, wet with tears of joy, much like the rest of her, and actually, everyone. "I can't believe I thought for a second you would choose someone over me." she said.

He smiled a soft smile. "Honey, I would never choose anyone over you. Not even myself. You come first. Forever. That's that truth and it always will be."

"Oh, Darling!" she cried. She hugged him close and kissed him. "My grandma was wrong. Your heart's as big as the pieces you give. And you've got my full container."

Sakon picked up his collection as The Postman looked on. Then he found the purple jar and picked it up. "No!" cried Sakon. Sakon knocked it out of The Postman's grasp, then caught it as right before it shattered on the ground. Sakon stood up, then said,"This is not the edible version. The edible version is green and mint flavored! Ya know-like my eyes-although, I doubt they taste of mint."

The Postman decided he would not want to know what was in the bottle.

"I can't believe I thought you were bi!" Sakon told The Postman. "How could I be so stupid? Of course, you're gay. And how could I think you'd like anyone besides little 'ol me? When it comes to Sakon, there's no competition!"

The Postman shook his head. One of these days, his over-used neck would snap in two, his rolling eyes would fall out of his head, and his voice box would shatter from so, so much correcting. "Sometimes, I think you're just as in love with yourself as Darling."

"What happened?" asked Darling.

"That... Thief guy," said Honey. "I thought you had gone behind my back and married him."

"And I thought you had stolen my boyfriend!" said Sakon.

"I'm not your boyfriend." said The Postman.

"Uh, Darling...?" asked Sakon.

"Yes?" asked Darling.

"Not you!"

"What?" asked The Postman.

"I don't ever wanna come back here." Sakon whispered.

"Oh, well. Come on, Honey," said The Postman. "I've got more letters to deliver."

The Postman stopped in mid-stride as soon as he realized what he had said. He turned around to see Sakon's grinning face. He knew instantly he was never going to let him live this down.

"Did you just say...?"

"I didn't say anything."

"You called me 'Honey'!" Sakon laughed.

The Postman sighed and rolled his eyes. He turned to go on the rest of his route, Sakon laughing all the way.

The End!


	3. A Postman's Wedding

****"A Postman's Wedding"****

****SPOILERS! READ NO FURTHER UNLESS YOU'VE READ "A Deliver to The Sky"!****

****Anju and Haru re-plan the wedding and invite more guests. What does this mean for The Postman and Sakon? AU. SLASH! Read on to find out!****

****Typo Update!****

The Postman awoke in his bed to find Sakon there with him. He could've sworn he had a nightmare, but he couldn't remember it. He only remembered defeating Parasite and helping The Windfish. He often forgot most of his dreams, so that didn't other him. He saw that Sakon was sleeping next to him with a cast on his leg. The Postman rubbed it gently and Sakon let out a snore. The Postman decided to get out of bed.

He stood outside his house staring into the stars and moonlight. Then he heard someone close behind him.

"Oh, good. You're awake." It was his brother, Haru. "That's good. We were all worried about you. I suppose you're up for some reason other than wedding jitters."

"You're not officially wedded yet?"

"Nope. We were all too worried about you. You know, because you ran away in a girl's outfit?" Haru chuckled. "The wedding's postponed until tomorrow. BUT, the thing is we've invited the ENTIRE family this time. And everyone gets a plus-one."

"Wow. That's a lot of people."

"Yup. So, you wanna be my best man, this time?"

"I thought Jaru was your best man?"

"We both decided that our big, responsible brother would deserve it more than anyone else. Guess who's gonna be the flower girl?"

"Minoko?"

"The one and only!"

"That's nice."

"Better go get some more sleep, brother. I'll see you in the morning."

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The next day, hundreds of people had gathered to see Haru and Anju's outdoor wedding in Termina Field. There was so many people, they had 10 different wedding cakes with 10 different flavors and everyone who was invited was told to bring food with them. Everyone sat down to eat dinner before the ceremony began. The Postman spotted someone they knew across the way.

"Is that Precious, Sakon? You invited HIM?"

It was indeed Precious in full woman's attire.

"Hey, you heard from your brother," said Sakon. "Everyone gets a plus-one!"

Sakon waved at Precious and Precious waved back.

The Postman also noticed several more people.

"And I suppose you invited your family, too?"

"What?"

Sakon looked where The Postman was and saw The Happy Mask Salesman and the rest of his family.

"No, I didn't invite them! Well, I was never here."

Sakon tried to get up and limp away on crutches, but The Postman grabbed hs arm.

"Don't embarrass me in front of MY family, Sakon. You should be glad they showed up at all."

The Happy Mask Salesman, Sakon's uncle, came up to their table. Guru Guru, Sakon's other Uncle and The Curiosity Shop Owner came, too. Sakon was under the impression that he was his grandfather-in law. The Happy Mask Salesman's wife sat with the kids, his cousins, to make sure they behaved. It seemed like she and her children were giggling.

"Hello, Sakon. I just wanted to wish you good luck today and that I approve."

"I second that!" said Guru Guru.

"I don't care who you're with," said The Curiosity Shop Owner. "Just be sure when you're done taking off from work you double your input."

"What are you guys talking about?!" asked a confused Sakon. "How did you all get invited?"

"We asked." The Happy Mask Salesman answered.

Anju started walking down the aisle.

"Time for us to be seated."

Sakon's family went back to their table.

Anju reached the end and held out her Moon Mask. Haru held out The Sun Mask. The priest was the same one that asked for donations inside of Hyrule Castle Town. He started the service.

"'We are gathered here, today, in front of the moon and sun. In front of the creators of our universe. We find that they are in favor of their partnership. Unless any sign from them is shown, we will continue.'"

Everyone waited for something to happen. Nothing did.

"'Next, the couple would like to say their own vows.'"

Anju said, "Haru, it's not just that you are the father of my unborn child and I think you would make a good father. It's that you're funny and you make me laugh. You cheer me up when I'm down. You're always there for me when I need you. I love you."

Several people in the audience clapped and "Yay!-ed".

Haru recited, "Anju, it's not just that you're pretty-beautiful even-You're smart. You always know what to say when I sputter and stutter. You make people give me second chances. You see what's in me even when I can't. You're going to make a wonderful mother. I love you, too."

Even more people cheered.

"'By the power vested in me,'" said the priest. "'You may now combine masks and kiss the bride!'"

Anju threw her bouquet and the new combined mask, The Couple Mask into the air. Several women squabbled over both of them.

Sakon looked on and sighed. Anju and Haru looked so happy as they kissed.

He asked The Postman, "Don't you ever want something like that?"

The Postman hesitated, looking at both of their hands. He quickly grabbed Sakon's hand and squeezed it.

"I'm content to live this way... ...Even though I'd have to settle for something less... Instead of something more."

Then The Postman took his hand back just as quickly as he had given it. Sakon wanted more than anything that his hand would stay. Then something inside Sakon took over. He had an idea.

"Jihiro..." he said.

"Yes?"

Sakon pushed The Postman to the ground and started forcefully kissing him. The Postman tried to push him away, but he couldn't. Several of his family members got up, but then The Postman started kissing him back. They both stood up and The Postman stared into Sakon's eyes, as if hypnotized. Then he heard a laugh.

"Enjoying yourself, there, brother?" It was Haru!

Then Jaru, Haru's twin, laughed. Then all The Postman's family members.

Then he heard an "Ahem!"

The Postman looked around to see many angry-looking elderly relatives. His younger family members looked shocked. There was no cheering. He thought about running. Hiding. Anything to escape the truth. Then Sakon stepped up and helped The Postman up, too.

"I'm bi, he's gay. Deal with it and shut up!"

As Sakon lead The Postman down the aisle, hobbling, there was finally praise threw the air for the second happy couple. The Postman couldn't believe his ears.

"Sakon," asked The Postman. "What are you doing?"

"  
"Giving you what you wanted."

Once they reached the priest, Sakon asked him, "Is it still the law that gays can get married in Termina?"

"Yes, it is. Luckily, I'm licensed in two countries!" said the priest. He took The Couple's Mask back from some women, separated the masks, and gave The Postman The Moon Mask and Sakon The Sun Mask.

"He did that because I'm the man in the relationship." said Sakon.

Several people laughed.

The priest began again, "'We are gathered here, today, in front of the moon and sun. In front of the creators of our universe. We find that they are in favor of their partnership. Unless any sign from them is shown, we will continue.'"

Everyone waited for something to happen, once again, especially the older members of the audience. Nothing did.

"'Next, the couple would like to say their own vows.'"

"What?" asked The Postman.

"Sorry, but I forgot the rest. Just started getting my marriage license."

"I'll go first." said Sakon. "Jihiro, out of all the people I've been with in my life, there's never been anyone else I've wanted to be with more than you. There's no one else I'd be more than happy to spend the rest of my life with. From the time we were kids and the pranks and games we've played and from the adventures we've had recently just me following you around, I wouldn't trade it for anything else. Plus, you're my better half. I love you, Jihiro."

The Postman had frozen up. He was extremely grateful that Sakon had expressed his true feelings with such expressiveness. Now, it was his turn.

"Sakon?" began The Postman. "'I'm glad you're back. I miss the day we spent as kids. I should've never stopped seeing you. It nearly broke my heart. Now that you're back, I'll never let you go. My life is way better with you than without. I love you, Sakon."

"'By the power vested in me,'" said the priest. "'You may now combine masks and kiss the bride-! Eh, groom...'"

The two did just that. Then they followed the first happy couple to a carriage on a honeymoon. The Happy Mask Salesman and the rest of Sakon's family waved. Sakon sighed and waved in return. The Postman was afraid to look back, but Sakon pointed. The Postman saw everyone in his immediate family waving goodbye. Even he parents were. Especially The Postman's father, who smiled, elated that his son was so happy.

The End!

****Thanks to MangoKat for the ideas of Precious being Sakon's plus-one and The Postman's dad smiling at his son's happiness. Also, the behavior of the audience, both young and old and the relatives trying to remove Sakon from missing The Postman.****

****Thanks for God and His angels for help.****


End file.
